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Sunday, July 12, 2015

First few hours in my 38th

So it is.
I am turning 38.
During my master degree back in 2002-2004, I saw people at this age as somewhat old and mature.

Sure I can accept to be a 38.
Thou in many cases, people sees me as 20 something *cough*.
Being mature is another thing.
You can be 20s and mature.

Maturity, for me, is a moment where you know your limitation and strength and can make the best out of it.
You are solid enough to stand and face the good, the bad and the ugly in life.

Past year has been a wake up call for me to learn accepting my new condition.
As a mother of a toddler, a wife and business partner and a daughter with responsibility for family business, I need to measure my energy and time very well.

Yes, I always want to be part of any positive social movement, as what I used to do.
And yes, I still have troubled feeling toward extensive greed of my hometown development.

My 37 can be seen as a failure.
Failing to finalize many social works and commercial projects.

It is a big slap on my face as if telling me you've dreamed too much and think beyond your ability.

I was sadden by those condition that keep telling me I am a failure.
I wish I could be like my 3y.o girl that doesn't care if her drawings distorted or her songs are out of tune, she keeps drawing and singing happily.

But again, what is a learning process without failures?
Those failures urge me to reposition my values in life.

I don't want to fail myself, my husband, my daughter and my family at large.
I guess, for now, that is my core value.

Happy 38th myself.
May I find peace with myself.
May I always have the child in me and be grateful with small things in life.
May I always be built.



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